Here's To A Boring Year

Too much excitement just might kill me!

FET Failure

So the title about sums it up – everything else is just rancid icing.

I’ve been an overachiever my whole life – I don’t fail well. For some reason the one thing I fail at is making babies.

This one didn’t hit as hard as our IVF failure did though – possibly because there wasn’t much lead up to it, or because the process itself was less intense, because it didn’t work last time either, or possibly because when my Mum told me she was planning to take long service leave at Easter next year (which coincided with what would have been my due date, had this FET worked) I knew it was too good to be true. (Anyone have a spare full stop?)

It’s hard not to feel responsible though, when all I’ve done is make us that much poorer.

I had my official beta today, at 15dp5dt (that’s 15 days past 5 day transfer). My clinic won’t test any earlier than 14dp5dt (yes, I asked) and my day 14 fell on a Sunday, of course.

Not pregnant.

When I went for transfer, only one of our 3 embryos had made it to blastocyst – they were going to watch the other two to see what happened. Fortunately by the following day, they had both made it to blastocyst as well, and were refrozen, so we have 2 more tries.

My mid-luteal blood test was 3dp5dt and was on the worst traffic day anyone in the city can remember. It took me 3 times as long as usual to get to the clinic. That day, I had some spotting – mostly brown, with a little bright red. I had hoped it was implantation bleeding, but as it turned out later that afternoon, my progesterone was just way low. They wanted it at 65, and mine was 11.

So they put me on more pessaries, and a higher dose. Joy. And they told me to try doing them vaginally instead of rectally, because apparently some people absorb them better one way than the other. Ever tried lying down for half an hour multiple times a day with a toddler around? So yeah, that made things easier. Also, its so much messier that way, I hate it!

They weren’t planning to test my levels again until beta, but I asked for an additional test which they did on 8dp5dt.

That one came back at 43. So they added yet another pessary. 5 a day, thankyouverymuch. Still better than injections though!

I knew it hadn’t worked because I just can’t resist those pee sticks. But you still hope to be one of those weird cases, like my sister in law, where it doesn’t show up on any test until 6 weeks.

I think it’s good that I have our trip to Bali coming up – now I can look forward to enjoying the free alcohol and no morning sickness. That makes it a bit easier to handle.

But it’s still frustrating to know that we’re not going to try again until January, even though that’s my choice based on not wanting the kid’s potential birthday to be too close to Monkey’s, and not wanting to cycle over Christmas.

So for now, I’m drowning my sorrows in alcoholic strawberry cider spiked with vodka. Better luck next time.


8 comments on “FET Failure

  1. bionicbrooklynite
    August 19, 2013

    I’m so sorry.

  2. Mina
    August 19, 2013

    So sorry to hear this.

  3. cindysn
    August 19, 2013

    I am sorry

  4. glumbunny
    August 20, 2013

    UGGH. I had my suspicions, due to the absence of any joyful photos of positive tests. I am so sorry to hear this. And the low progesterone adds a fun layer of WHAT IF, I bet. Crappy, crappy news. I am grateful you have those two more tries, and grateful you have something to take your mind off this, but this still must suck so much.

    • boringyear
      August 20, 2013

      I am surprising myself by not being particularly annoyed, especially with how upset I was when our first round failed (which feelings also took me by surprise) – mostly I’m just peeved about the wasted money. There’s even a peculiar sense of relief at not being pregnant already. I guess I feel so so lucky to have my Monkey (twice over) that I can be content with that?

      This shit is confusing.

  5. Pomegranate
    August 20, 2013

    I’m so sorry.

  6. Gemini Momma
    August 20, 2013

    😦 However, Bali and vodka sound pretty good. *sigh*

  7. cookie1986
    August 29, 2013

    I can’t imagine how hard this is. Just keep trying, kid. You’ll get your miracle #2, I know it!

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This entry was posted on August 19, 2013 by in baby talk, missing eggs and tagged , , , , .
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